I will never play another open mic as long as I live

Posted on | February 9, 2010 | 4 Comments

I used to think I had stage fright. Now I know: I have open-mic fright. There is something so intimidating about being in a room full of extraordinarily talented people, waiting for hours to play your two songs and then get off the stage in a rush. And when you fuck up, it hurts double, because it’s just an open mic, and nobody cares, so you care MORE because it seems twice as pathetic to fuck up there.

This was the scene at the Lizard Lounge open mic competition tonight. After making the finals last week in my first attempt, I botched my finals song, forgetting the chords, and then completely forgetting the final verse. But I went back tonight thinking I was a shoe-in. I got there at 7:00 to get an alternate slot. But tonight was no ordinary night. The place was LOADED with talent, and many of them are not newcomers to the field.

So I went on late and played a new song called “Blow” and COMPLETELY, IRREVOCABLY, UNFORGIVINGLY BOTCHED IT. I transposed lyrics, forgot others, sang it horribly, and worst of all, kept having to stop. I must have stopped four times within the course of two verses. To the audience, it probably seemed amusing. I certainly did my best to make it seem funny. But inside it felt AWFUL. It is public humiliation. It is abject, prostrating FAILURE. And coming off the stage, I felt I had the stink of disease on me — like no one wanted to touch the festering corpse.

Six hours sitting in this place feeling nervous, and I end the night with THAT. No thank you. When I play my own shows this does not happen. I have FUN.

So that’s it. Never again. No more open mics. I get too nervous. They totally wreck my confidence.

Good night.

Category: Performance
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Comments

4 Responses to “I will never play another open mic as long as I live”

  1. Mom
    February 9th, 2010 @ 9:14 am

    Yikes. Sorry.

  2. kfo
    February 10th, 2010 @ 2:57 pm

    it’s okay! at least you’re not tone deaf or short

  3. Stephie
    February 12th, 2010 @ 6:52 pm

    1) Never assume you’re a “shoe-in” at the Lizard Lounge, no matter how good you are (or think you are.) That room is full of more talent on any given night of the week than most people will see in a lifetime.

    2) Don’t swear off open mics. You will get better at managing your stage fight, if that’s what this is. Get back on that horse – you will learn some invaluable performance lessons and meet some incredible people.

  4. Stephie
    February 12th, 2010 @ 6:53 pm

    fright*