Aimee Allen is so full of shit

Posted on | January 1, 2010 | Comments Off on Aimee Allen is so full of shit

Let’s talk about Aimee Allen. I just stumbled across her and was quickly puking. She is a singer-songwriter based out of LA with a lovely voice totally lacking in sincerity, and writes…um…let’s call them “basic” lyrics. She’s known for her performance of a song called “Cooties” in the 2007 movie adaptation of the musical adaptation of John Water’s 1988 classic Hairspray, the latter of which starred an actual drag queen (may she rest in peace) rather than a movie adaptation of a musical adaptation of a drag queen.

So fine. She’s a pop star. There have been many before her and many will follow her. But dammit if this woman doesn’t give the term “singer-songwriter” a bad name.

I wouldn’t speak ill of success or notoriety in the music industry. Everyone knows that “success” does not always follow “talent” and that’s just how the world is. Happens in every walk of life. I can even (barely) overlook her masturbation song to Ron Paul. Perhaps she became a libertarian for the money and sex?

And until I read her autobiography, from her MySpace page, I just chalked up my dislike to a matter of taste.

But she is bent on begging for her own credibility. Here’s an excerpt:

I only enrolled in college because it was required to get a DJ job at their radio station. I wanted to play songs over the air for the world to hear at 4 a.m., so that whoever was listening would feel at peace knowing that somebody out there understood them—that somebody got their pain and loneliness… and above all, got their insomnia. I absorbed English, history and chemistry, taking notes on the Civil War, the vast space within an atom and the insanity of the Federal Reserve—not so I could get A’s, but so I could sing about it all. I studied religion fiercely, not for a good GPA or to make my parents proud, but to seek out its often inherent corruption and expose it through music. Everything—every step, every action that I have ever taken in my entire life—has been for this purpose: the mission of painting pictures for you. With all of my guts and soul, I breathe pain, love, perfection, imperfection and the shattered fragments of society into songs.

Here’s some lyrics from her song “Crazy”:

La la la la – woah
Everybody seems to agree
La la la la – woah
Everybody but me

Come baby be with me
Come baby baby be with me
Come baby be with me
Come baby baby be with me

I’m not fully convinced she “absorbed” that much “English”. Here’s more horseshit:

I am a phoenix rising from the ashes on a daily basis. I am Rocky. I am the story of defeat and redemption. I am the story of faith. I am one song at a time, and the silences between them. I am Alice in Wonderland, the Wizard of Oz, Snow White and the dirty Cinderella. I am a fairy tale and a horror story. But, I am merely one story, one voice, trying to expose both the fraud of the stupid Hollywood ending and the magnetic beauty of it. We all play the villain and the victim—the princess and the guy she’s not in love with. I am all of our stories.

Ladies and gentlemen, Aimee Allen must be stopped.